Brain File



What’s more fun than counting down the dumbest criminals of the week? Somebody needs to make better choices! :)Listen and choose for yourself the “biggest loser of the week!” Friday mornings at 5:50 and 6:50 a.m.


“The IF THEY ONLY HAD A BRAIN” File – Sept 20, 2019

Story Number-1 . . . 


Imagine being married to someone so scared of conflict that they forge your signature on divorce papers and never tell you it’s over.

A 51-year old man in Klein, Texas is now wanted by police for not only forging his wife’s signature but a notary public’s signature as well.

And now that the courts know he faked it all, they say the divorce is no good.  He’s still married.

* Bet his wife’s THRILLED about that.



Story Number-2 . . .


If you’re gonna get a ride home from jail for a DUI, ya’ might wanna make sure your driver hasn’t been drinking.

A Pennsylvania man who’d been arrested on charges of driving under the influence asked his girlfriend to come pick him up from jail . . .  and when she showed up, police arrested HER on the same charge.  She was drunk, too.

* If I was Uber or Lyft, I’d make that my slogan:  “Lyft.  Better than jail.”


Story Number-3 . . .

The next time you think, “how come nobody writes and sends letters anymore?” remember this story:

A woman in Nebraska broke up with her boyfriend recently.  We don’t know why, but we DO know that she wanted to get rid of anything that reminded her of him.  So she set the love letters he sent her on fire.  Then she decided to take a nap.

Unfortunately, embers from one of the letters was still smoldering on her carpeted floor.  It caught fire and the apartment went up in flames.


She got out safely but was charged with negligent burning, and she’ll be in court next month.


* S-s-s-mokin!


Who gets our BIGGEST LOSER prize, of the WEEK?  

Story 1 . . . The no-conflict, convict!

Story 2 . . . His & Hers DUIs.


Story 3 . . . S-s-s-mokin!


We chose Story 3 as this week’s BIGGEST loser.  😉 

“If they ONLY had a brain!“ 



3 true stories: see which one YOU think is this week’s BIGGEST LOSER!

Story Number-1 . . .

How do you get home when you’re banned from driving? If you said “ignore the ban and drive anyway,” you belong with our first knucklehead. A 35-year-old guy in Ontario, Canada was in court last week, and as part of his sentence for DUI, a judge banned him from driving for a year. And within FIVE MINUTES . . . the guy violated that ban by getting in his car and driving away from the courthouse. A cop saw the whole thing and arrested him on the spot.

Story Number-2 . . .

The victim here isn’t a loser . . . but this story is too weird NOT to include: An 80-year-old woman in New Jersey fell asleep in her car in her driveway last week . . . and when she woke up SEVEN hours later, she was lying on the driveway and the car . . . gone! Apparently some thief had opened the car’s door, picked her up, laid her down on the driveway, and took the car . . . and she slept through all of it.

Story Number-3 . . .

Collateral Damage is defined as “injury inflicted on something other than an intended target.” One man in Minneapolis has apparently never heard of that. 63-year old Jeffrey Caouette was arrested this week for throwing thousands of SCREWS on the road near his ex-girlfriend’s house. (He wanted to keep her from driving to see her new boyfriend). We don’t know if the screws stopped her or not, but they DID stop 150 other people who all drove down her street and got flat tires. Several of them had to replace all four of their tires because “Genius-Jeffrey” threw screws into the road every other day for a MONTH. Some nearby residents had to replace their tires multiple times.

Who gets our BIGGEST LOSER prize, of the WEEK?

Story 1 . . . “Ban-schman, I’m driving!”

Story 2 . . . Granny on the Ground.

Story 3 . . . SCREWED up boyfriend.


“If they ONLY had a brain!“